And Just Like That…

The most uncomfortable show I’ve ever seen left a harmful narrative.

And just like that, the awkward and cringy reboot of Sex and the City is over but not without leaving me mulling over the harm a small but powerful storyline could cause.

Aiden, Wyatt, and Homer

I’ve been trying to collect my thoughts about the story of Wyatt and the harmful narrative of the “troubled son” since the fourth episode of the third season aired a few months ago. My initial idea was to suggest ways that his story could pivot from harmful to helpful but then the show abruptly ended. Now, I am left with thoughts about using a teenager struggling with neurodiversity (and potentially mental health struggles) as a plot point to drive Carrie and Aiden apart.

A summary of the relationship, if you haven’t watched the show: Carrie and Aiden dated in the original show but went their separate ways (it was much more complicated but that is irrelevant for this commentary). Anyway, Carrie’s husband died at the beginning of the reboot. At some point Aiden and his wife divorced; after having three sons. Aiden returns at the end of the second season of And Just Like That after Carrie reaches out via email.

So back to the storyline of Wyatt his character arc was short, confusing, escalated quickly, and ultimately felt problematic.

Wyatt, as a character, was first introduced in the episode after Carrie and Aiden reunite (Season 2, episode 8). Aiden talks about his three boys; his youngest Wyatt is 14. During a lunch date they talk about how one of the chickens on Aiden’s farm walks up the stairs and lays an egg in Wyatt’s bed. The episode concludes with Carrie saying she went to the farm, and it was their new beginning. Episode 9 is where they start laying the groundwork work whatever is “wrong” with Wyatt. In conversation, Aiden mentions that the boys are looking forward to seeing Carrie again and she responds with skepticism around Wyatt sharing that feeling. Aiden replies with “he’s 14, plus he’s a little tricky.” He then realizes he needs to call his youngest son because “he has a thing about planes” they have an odd interaction on FaceTime where Aiden forces his son to say hi to Carrie then Wyatt hangs up before Aiden is about to get out his “I love you” to conclude the call. Excused again by being 14. Later in that episode, Carrie meets Aiden’s ex-wife Kathy who asks that Carrie not share details about the boys in her writing even though they are likely to provide plenty of material, “especially Wyatt our little (inhale) puzzle.” Was that an illusion to autism? The internet seems convinced that Kathy mentions Wyatt being on the spectrum, but I don’t remember it being stated explicitly.

Next, he is used as a device to provide a sort of cliffhanger in the season 2 finale. While Aiden is in New York with Carrie, Wyatt crashes Aiden’s truck into a tree, he had a few beers and wanted to spend the night at his dad’s house. I believe he had a concussion and aa broke something. Later it is revealed he had psilocybin in his system (shrooms); this prompts Aiden to feel like he needs to be home with his son until he goes off to college. The result is he wants Carrie to wait five years for them to be together. This whole thing raises so many questions in my mind. Like where did a 14-year-old get shrooms? Where was his mom? And why does Aiden magically think this will get better when Wyatt can go to college? What happens if Wyatt doesn’t want to go? Or what if his symptoms continue to go mismanaged and he only gets worse?

Anyway, the episode I’ve been grappling with the most since the show’s conclusion, depicted Wyatt as distant and aloof except for when he could engage in video games. Aiden is opposed to his son playing them and instead is focused on him doing work around his farm.  As if painting could “fix” neurodiversity. Also, what if video games are his special interest and/or what if they are where he can find community with like-minded people?

Aiden pushes Carrie to spend time with the boys; in doing so Carrie suggests a zombie VR game which is “the first time he’s made eye contact with me since I got here.”  While playing the game Wyatt accidentally hits Carrie in the head while trying to protect his dad in the game. As is the theme of this storyline everyone overreacts as if Wyatt was intentionally violent.

Later that night, the whole family is together for the eldest son’s birthday celebration, including Kathy’s boyfriend Bob and Carrie. At the beginning of the get together, Bob brings up Aiden not wanting Wyatt to take Adderall, despite Kathy’s request that Carrie bring some with her from New York. That was a different sort of troubling episode plot point (maybe for another post). Carrie then confronts Aiden because she feels bad for not knowing his wishes, but the tension and discussion is pushed aside because of the birthday celebration.

After dinner, the family and Carrie play apples to apples (a word association game). For those who haven’t played Apples to Apples involves one player putting down a card with a word on it then the remaining players put down cards from their hand they feel are most associated with that word. It’s a very opinion-based game. The scene starts after they have been playing for what appears to be a while and begins with Wyatt not understanding “Walmart’s” relation to the word “delicate”, based on his brother’s opinion. The next card is “mysterious” and “pumpkin spice latte” is selected as the associated word, he gets mad that his pick of “Jennifer Laurence” wasn’t selected since she played Mistique in X-Men. He cannot make sense of the logic that since to him it was the obvious answer. His anger continues and amplifies after he expresses frustration about his cards never being selected to which Aiden responds that Carrie picked one of his. This makes him more distraught as his family, the people who should know him best,  are seemingly incapable of understanding him.

Similar experiences are common in people with autism and ADHD. Rigid thinking and rules make a game like apples to apples confusing while losing at a game can trigger rejection sensitive dysphoria(RSD). Additionally, the group is likely larger than what Wyatt is comfortable dealing with as Carrie and Kathy’s boyfriend Bob are in the room with the family, although Bob does not partake in the game play (which also seems unfair to Wyatt, if one person can sit out why can’t he). The two other brothers react in a way that is utterly unsupportive ,saying great here we go again and “yeah, it’s Wyatt time.” Indicating that they view him as selfish and self-centered rather than acknowledging that the game is over stimulating and trying to find a way to offer support. Aiden scolds the boys for the reaction to Wyatt but then continues to try and force him back to the family game after he’s walked away to play on his Nintendo Switch.

Aiden says “come on, we are playing a family game” to which Wyatt responds it’s not a family game! They’re here”  referencing Carrie and Bob. Then says “nobody cares about me” to which his brothers express that he is overly cared about and overly sensitive especially around their parents’ divorce. As if the divorce is the reason for his “sensitivity.”

Throughout this interaction Kathy interjects a bit with we need to calm down and other unhelpful tidbits. Kathy then asks Aiden “don’t you see why he needs it” referring to the Adderall. She says this is why he needs to be on medication and Aiden replies with “he has substance issues as it is” and “you wanna load him up on pills?” Kathy responds with “he was diagnosed with ADHD.”

As they continue to argue, the middle son, Homer says f*** you Wyatt as a response to the oldest Tate expressing discontent that this is happening on his birthday. Then Wyatt says f*** you to Homer and smashes the window yelling f** you the entire group. The camera focuses on Carrie’s shocked expression at the table. This whole thing ends with Carrie saying she understands why Aiden needs to be in Virginia with his family without her.  It’s like she realized how bad it was but there was no acknowledgement of how poorly the family reacted to Wyatt. The whole scene felt like yup Wyatt is troubled you need to take care of this.

Everything about this interaction makes me mad and a bit sad, especially because it was never addressed after the fact leaving another harmful media narrative about neurodiversity. Because, yes, this is something that could happen with a neurodivergent child. In fact, as a 36-year-old I hate playing games. As a child, I experienced extreme discomfort at losing which often resulted in a melt down and being scolded. So, I learned to suppress the feelings, to mask to become disconnected with my body and my feelings. I still occasionally cry or shut down if I lose a game too many times. I think if I were being raised now, with the growing knowledge of  autism and ADHD in girls, my parents would have found ways of being more supportive to what I was experiencing. I wish more time had been dedicated to this storyline rather than making Wyatt look like the bad and “troubled” son, seemingly existing only to drive a wedge through the Carrie and Aiden relationship.

 Aiden can’t solve neurodiversity by making his child paint the house and to Kathy’s point of medicating him sometimes ADHD medication can make the effects of Autism more pronounced. But stimulants do help people with ADHD. If “substance use” is really a concern, there are also non-stimulant medications available for treating ADHD. I’m inclined to side with Kathy but maybe neither is the correct approach, but they should be working with a qualified therapist to find out. Which brings up the question why does Aiden think he knows more than his son’s doctor? Additionally, the “substance use” could be a coping mechanism for not being able to properly medicate. Many people who go undiagnosed for a litany of differences will self-medicate often in destructive ways by using alcohol or other substances. Finally, the only substance use mentioned was the incident with the car. Does that really qualify as “issues with substances.” Feels like a listen to a doctor moment and if you don’t like the first one that’s why you can get a second opinion (with another doctor).

I worry about storylines like this especially now. I imagine someone watching the show may be shocked by the events that transpired with Wyatt and do a Google search asking the question “what is wrong with Wyatt fromAnd Just Like That?” The search result is the search engine informing the interested party that he has Autism and ADHD. The current administration calls autism a “horror show” and depicted the way it was in this TV show it could seem that way. In reality, it is a different way that certain peoples’ brains function and the way the show delt with it only adds to the harmful narratives of neurodiversity predominantly in white boys in the media.